so there’s this boy…

Though I am the first to admit that while chronologically I may be an adult, in reality, I’m probably closer to 12 what with my pop-tart fetish, affinity to wear tutus, and not so secret love of Disney princess movies (I know, I know. 20 lashings later), I can’t help but be disquieted by one notion I attribute to my eternal adolescent age: I am a fucking mess around cute boys.

No seriously.

Despite the development of all powerful girly parts, the absolute knowledge that most boys are thinking about sex all. the. time. and are therefore enamored with anything that breathes, let alone wears a short skirt, and numerous notable strides of maturity evident in other areas of my life (see: bills, paying), I have yet to gain the emotional wisdom of a 13-year-old.

I can run the world. In heels.

I just can’t look a cute boy in the eye without blushing.

And babbling. Oh good god the babbling.

About unicorns and Tiger Woods. About Sartre or croque monsieurs. I could talk about the study of the relationship among politics geography, demography, and economics or the topography of Britney Spears’ shaved head, just so long as please god give me a topic to endlessly rhapsodize on so he keeps looking at me like he’s at least politely interested because obviously his semi-lucid- attentions will turn into deep-seeded feelings of eternal love or at least you know, a smile because OHMYGOD he smiled, that must mean he thinks I’m pretty, I can totally die happy now but just give me a few more minutes so I can listen to N’SYNC and doodle our names together on my Lisa Frank folder.

[insert WTF here]

Because not only do I suffer from the inability to be a fucking adult around boys of the want-to-eat-you-whole variety, but to add insult to injury, I seem to enter some veritable vortex of what-the-fuckery after these episodes of embarrassing word vomit.

As in holy shit… did I just talk about cupcakes for the last 23 minutes?

OHMYGOD WHAT DID I SAY?

OHMYGOD WHAT CAN’T I REMEMBER?

OHMYGOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Answer to all of the above?

A lot. Obviously.

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~ by rubylocks on April 5, 2010.

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